Goodbye to a Shitty Decade

I've always been the type of person who looks toward the new year with great anticipation. NYE always brings about a refreshed enthusiasm for life that usually lasts a few weeks. I have set a lot of goals set for 2010, but lets get right to it-the past decade was just plain terrible. Don't get me wrong-lots of good things happened too, but over all, I think it was a pretty shitty decade.

I turned 21 at the turn of the decade (yes, I'm old) and boy did I party. I was living in California at the time. It was awesome to finally get to drink without having to get someone to buy me alcohol or going down to Tijuana every weekend. Enough foreplay though. Lets break down the last 10 years in a time line:

2000:
This was supposed to be the dawn of a new millennium, but all it did was stress people out.
• Y2K – I still don’t get it. What a waste of time.
• Bush and Putin are elected presidents in their respective countries, Hugo Chavez re-elected in Venezuela. There went the neighborhood. But Hilary Clinton is elected to NY Senate.
• Charles Schultz dies, and the final original Peanuts comic strip is published
• Pope John Paul II visits Israel…that’s a big deal
• Oh, & I deployed to Okinawa Japan with the 31st MEU for 6 months. Good times!

2001:
We all remember THIS year.
• Wikipedia launched!
• Silvio Berlusconi wins the Italian General Elections. Playa playa!
• Versailles wedding hall disaster. Wow.
• September 11, 2001. I cried like a baby that morning.
• War in Afghanistan begins, anthrax attacks, and ENRON!

2002:
I got nothing.
• UN Arms inspectors begin snoopin and poopin in Iraq. They didn't find anything but we invaded anyway - cause we're gansta. Bitches.
• The Euro is issued in a bunch of European countries.
• Dept of Justice bends Enron over & “investigates them.”
• Andrea Yates found guilty of drowning her 5 kids.
• DC/Beltway Sniper crushes the stereotype that black people aren’t serial killers.


2003:
War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nu-thin!
• On Valentine’s Day that year, I boarded a bus to North Carolina. After a week of training, off to Kuwait.
• May 1 – Mission Accomplished. Bush declares war over. Ha.
• CIA scandal exposing Valerie Plame.
• The Terminator becomes governor of California.
• Saddam captured. Who cares? Where the fuck is Osama?

2004:
Busy news year.
• Pats win the Super Bowl!
• Facebook founded! Shweeet!
• Scientists in Moscow clone 30 human embryos. Ew.
• Aristide resigns Haitian presidency. Despicable piece of shit.
• Ronald Reagan dies, Bush re-elected, Colin Powell resigns. Heeerrrrr’s Condie!
• Red Sox break the Curse of the Bambino.
• Earth Quake in the Indian Ocean causes tsunami in Thailand, India, Malaysia and other countries. Death toll 187,000 with more than 40,000 STILL MISSING.


2005:
Hump year!
• Pope John Paul II dies. Along came Emperor Palpatine - I mean Pope Benedict XVI. ☹
• Kuwaiti women are granted the right to vote. But they still can’t park a stinking car.
• My son was born right before I got out of the Marine Corps!


2006:
...but where's Bin Laden?
• Ehud Olmert becomes prime minister of Israel.
• The first World Baseball Classic proved that the best players or America’s Pastime in the world aren’t even American.
• Fidel Castro relinquishes power to his kid bro, Raul.
• Saddam sentenced to death – and executed.


2007:
It really goes downhill from here.
• Time names Vladimir Putin Person of The Year. Really?
• Anna Nicole Smith, Merv Griffin, Brooke Astor, Phil Rizzuto, Leona Helmsley, Pimp C all died.
• Sub prime Mortgage Crisis


2008:
What a year!
• Stock market crashes.
• Fidel Castro officially resigns.
• Mike Phelps makes history, winning 8 Olympic gold medals! A star is bong – I mean born.
• Lehman Bros. Files for bankruptcy!
• Barack Obama elected! My president is black, my Maybach’s blue, and I’ll be God damned if my diamonds ain’t too…
• Bernie Madoff arrested for operating the largest Ponzi scheme in history.


2009:
Its finally over...
• Michael Jackson dies and no one cares that another white woman, Farrah Fawcett died too. Ouch.
• Air France flight to Rio crashes in the ocean.
• Can you say “Swine Flu?”
• Tiger Woods banged every white woman on the Planet.
• Roman Polanski…you’re goin to jail-ski…

I’m sure I missed a lot so let a brother know. Happy New Year!